stories
moses don't need no smartphone
garden of eden 2018
How important are some decisions in life? As you know God told Adam about the two special trees in the garden. And Adam was to make sure no one ate from the wrong one. So let's see, Adam had finished labeling the zoo, had no other big assignments - all he had to do was enjoy God's creation and keep track of one other person. Yep, apparently that was way too much responsibility to give the first man. So how did Adam rationalize his mess? He blamed his wife and then for good measure looped in blaming big G himself.
Can you image if something like this went through our court system today?
God would have been found at fault for planting a dangerous tree with no protective fence and no warning signs posted. The snake, given the ability to walk again, would have TV and book deals entitled: "To the Belly and Back" and "How to Speak Snake: Successful lying for 4000 B.C. and beyond". I'm guessing Eve would have sued for emotional distress, probably be on medication and be a paid regular on Oprah. Plus be attending counseling for learning she was naked during that whole pre-fall time. Adam probably would have received ownership of not only both trees but the whole garden, making millions in fruit baskets and tourism.
So OK they MESSED up, were evicted and started a family. Sounds simple enough until a couple of their kids appeared in the first episode of CSI: Earth. Wow! Quick grab the popcorn, this fallen race could get interesting. Eve couldn't pick her mate but since your life's decisions can effect generations in your family tree, do you suppose today's women should be picky (no pun intended), picking their mate also? Okay, there it is… Thank you for putting up with my odd spin on things… curtain call… Jimmy? !! ??
~Lysette
One of my favourite movie bloopers occurs during the exodus scene of, “The Ten Commandments”. An extra forgot what era he was supposed to portray and so ended up being filmed walking out of Egypt wearing a wristwatch. I just wonder what life would have been like back then if the ancient Israelites indeed had the same insatiable dependency on gadgets that we do now.
I suppose getting the message to the Israelites would have been a little easier. Moses just could have updated his Facebook page to say, “Preparing to lead three million slaves through the desert” then asked Miriam to text everyone to make sure all the women got all of the “necessities” from their Egyptian neighbours the next morning... starting a 'gofundme' campaign for the rest. She of course needed to get one of those convection ovens (manna just gets so gooey when it’s nuked) and the blender that has a “frappe” setting for those midday smoothies.
I don’t imagine they left very early the next day cuz of course Miriam’s service provider was upgrading it’s towers in the Nile Delta so only half of those that she texted got her message. The rest couldn’t get their teenagers out of bed on time because they stayed up waaaay too late the night before playing 'Halo, Sinai Cull'. This was worth it to them though cuz they were finally able to shut up that real chatty kid from Edom that was blogging everywhere that his posted online tournament score would never be beat.
Those poor oxen. Not only did they have to pull clothing, tents and the elderly, but had to lug the family 60” smart TV and DVD player for those lonely desert nights. Good thing all the oxen came installed with GoldStar. Nothing like a good GPS monitored beast of burden when you are trekking through hazardous territory.
About this time, the Egyptians had realized that without all of that slave labour they had just lost, their factories would not be able to meet the promised delivery date on the first shipment of iphone 11’s. Since someone from the Israelite camp had been tweeting that they were stuck at the Red Sea, Pharaoh figured he had a perfect opportunity for some payback. He loaded up his fleet of Hummers and took off. It only took a couple of hours to catch up because they all had the latest version of Tom Tom… “Turn left at the next rock please” and thanks to Sirius radio, the trip seemed even faster.
Now the Israelites were in a bind. Faced with a huge body of water on one side, mountains all around and in front, an army all pumped up from hours of listening to the latest ColdPlay CD. They frantically looked through their ipads to see if there was an “instant bridge” app they could download… to no avail.
Thankfully, God is not dependent on a stable T1 connection or a laptop with an i7 processor. His glory and majesty makes Donald Trump’s Home Theatre look like a cereal box kaleidoscope. He commanded nature to unleash and to the amazement of many, the Israelites were able to cross the Red Sea (which was WAY more than 6 inches deep but that’s another article) on dry ground. The Egyptians followed them in but then had a MAJOR operating system crash. Their army was decimated. They did not get the iphones out in time and were sued for breach of contract, so the nation went into receivership.
The Israelites went on to the Promised Land. A land flowing with milk and honey. They received houses they did not build, drank from wells they did not dig, ate from vineyards they did not plant and they were content… thanks to God’s grace and mercy… not to Microsoft.